Jokes for March 2017

**Polaraco** · 03-03-2017

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled."

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-03-2017

Originally Posted by Polaraco

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was paroled."

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-04-2017

While being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial, the lawyer tried to undermine his credibility by asking some round about questions to trip him up. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out so well…

Q: “Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?”
A: “No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Q: “Officer — who provided this description?”
A: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Q: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”
A: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Q: “With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”
A: “Yes sir, we do!”

Q: “And do you have a locker in the room?”
A: “Yes sir, I do.”

Q: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”
A: “Yes sir.”

Q: “Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”
A: “You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-04-2017

@Polaraco

I just got 11,000 post !

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-04-2017

Originally Posted by AnOldBiker

While being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial, the lawyer tried to undermine his credibility by asking some round about questions to trip him up. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out so well…

Q: “Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?”
A: “No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Q: “Officer — who provided this description?”
A: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Q: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”
A: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Q: “With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”
A: “Yes sir, we do!”

Q: “And do you have a locker in the room?”
A: “Yes sir, I do.”

Q: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”
A: “Yes sir.”

Q: “Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”
A: “You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

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**hoe** · 03-05-2017

My wife told me to go and get some of those pills to help me get a erection.

Should have seen her face when i got back and tossed her some diet pills.

Im still looking for a place to live......

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-06-2017

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**hoe** · 03-06-2017

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!'

She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?'

Doc say's .... Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

'Denephew.'

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