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Thread: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

  1. Top Of Page | #11
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    My wife and I were talking and I said as a man, there are times I feel like I can't win no matter what.
    She said explain it .. so here is what I replied with:


    If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.
    If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
    If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
    If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
    If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
    If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
    If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
    If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
    If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
    If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
    If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
    If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
    If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.


    Now I may be wrong, but I rest my case.



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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  3. Top Of Page | #12
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    On this New Year’s Eve, 2017:

    This will be the only day when every adult was born in the 1900’s,
    … and every minor was born in the 2000’s.







    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

  4. Top Of Page | #13
    walla2k5's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Too funny!



    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

    2013 Ram 2500 Big Horn 4x4 G56 CCLB 6.7, MM3 Tuned by Double R Diesel, Flo-Pro 4" Exhaust, Deviant Race Parts Goodies, ARP Head Studs, South Bend Clutch, 3" Thuren Front Springs w/Fox Shocks All-Around, Hell-Bent Steel Steering Box Brace, Thuren Track Bar, Air-Lift 5000, Deviant Race Parts 70" Traction Bars, Falken Wild-Peak AT3W LT285/75R18 (34.8x11.3x18) on Moto Metal MO970 18x9 +18mm

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  6. Top Of Page | #14
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by walla2k5 View Post
    Too funny!

    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...e1fe3b9c39.jpg

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk
    That’s to dang funny

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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  8. Top Of Page | #15
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    The Pastor's A$$
    Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
    again, and it won again.
    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S A$$ OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor

    not to enter the donkey in another race..
    The next day, the local paper headline read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A$$.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
    of the donkey..


    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

    NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted!

    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
    sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the papers read:

    NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.

    The Bishop was buried the next day.
    The moral of the story is ..
    Being concerned about public opinion can
    bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..

    ..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

    Stop worrying about
    everyone else's A$$ and
    you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

    Have a nice day!




    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  9. Top Of Page | #16
    MOD watersupply189's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    The Pastor's A$$
    Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
    again, and it won again.
    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S A$$ OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor

    not to enter the donkey in another race..
    The next day, the local paper headline read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A$$.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
    of the donkey..


    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

    NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted!

    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
    sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the papers read:

    NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.

    The Bishop was buried the next day.
    The moral of the story is ..
    Being concerned about public opinion can
    bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..

    ..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

    Stop worrying about
    everyone else's A$$ and
    you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

    Have a nice day!

    ROTFLMAO


    2016 Ram 3500 4x4 Laramie Cummins, G56, Rough Country Leveling, MM3 EGRless Tuned by Double R Diesel

    2016 RAM 3500 4x4 Laramie Crew Cab ,G56

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  11. Top Of Page | #17
    walla2k5's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by watersupply189 View Post
    ROTFLMAO


    2016 Ram 3500 4x4 Laramie Cummins, G56, Rough Country Leveling, MM3 EGRless Tuned by Double R Diesel
    X2

    Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

    2013 Ram 2500 Big Horn 4x4 G56 CCLB 6.7, MM3 Tuned by Double R Diesel, Flo-Pro 4" Exhaust, Deviant Race Parts Goodies, ARP Head Studs, South Bend Clutch, 3" Thuren Front Springs w/Fox Shocks All-Around, Hell-Bent Steel Steering Box Brace, Thuren Track Bar, Air-Lift 5000, Deviant Race Parts 70" Traction Bars, Falken Wild-Peak AT3W LT285/75R18 (34.8x11.3x18) on Moto Metal MO970 18x9 +18mm

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  13. Top Of Page | #18
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    The Pastor's A$$
    Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
    again, and it won again.
    The local paper read:

    PASTOR'S A$$ OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor

    not to enter the donkey in another race..
    The next day, the local paper headline read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A$$.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid
    of the donkey..


    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

    NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted!

    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
    sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the papers read:

    NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.

    The Bishop was buried the next day.
    The moral of the story is ..
    Being concerned about public opinion can
    bring you much grief and misery. It can even shorten your life..

    ..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

    Stop worrying about
    everyone else's A$$ and
    you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

    Have a nice day!

    Ha Ha

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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  15. Top Of Page | #19
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    The seven stages of life:
    (oh so true)


    1 day - 5 yrs: We experience many spills.

    6 yrs - 16 yrs: We pick up many skills .

    17 - 20 yrs: We undergo many drills.

    21 - 25 yrs: We discover many thrills.

    26 - 40 yrs: We have to pay many bills.

    41 - 60 yrs: We suffer many ills.

    61 - 75 yrs: We have to take many pills.

    76 yrs and more: We worry about our wills.




    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

  16. Top Of Page | #20
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes DECEMBER 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by AnOldBiker View Post
    The seven stages of life:
    (oh so true)


    1 day - 5 yrs: We experience many spills.

    6 yrs - 16 yrs: We pick up many skills .

    17 - 20 yrs: We undergo many drills.

    21 - 25 yrs: We discover many thrills.

    26 - 40 yrs: We have to pay many bills.

    41 - 60 yrs: We suffer many ills.

    61 - 75 yrs: We have to take many pills.

    76 yrs and more: We worry about our wills.
    Very true 100%

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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