JOKES JUNE 2017

[watersupply189]

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”

ROTFLMAO 🤣🤣


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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

At a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.”

“We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

Funny as hell

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”

Funny

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[AnOldBiker]

Men with Pans on American got Talent


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCLLxyQsWzk

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[AnOldBiker]

The Worst Video Game Ever:



worst video game ever.jpg

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[AnOldBiker]

8 Words with 2 meanings…

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.



And a extra:

The most dangerous sentence in the English language.
Her .. hold my beer and watch this !

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[AnOldBiker]

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place

He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie, we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie , so, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked: "How many children do you have?

He answered: "Twelve."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered "They're in the cemetery with their mother."

MORAL:
It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words ... and don't forget, most politicians are, unfortunately, lawyers

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[AnOldBiker]

rainbows.jpg


star war.jpg


image108.jpg

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