There's a knee slapper
There's a knee slapper
2003- 3500 RWD Automatic. S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95, 50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC
It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”
“Very good! Who said: ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'”?
Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Martinez.
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little ****. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh ****, we’re in BIG trouble!”
Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”
Jim
2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan
THE MEDICAL DISTINCTION BETWEEN “GUTS” AND “*****”
We’ve heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “*****”. Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS – It is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” too ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere ?”
***** – It is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “*****” to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I trust this clears up any confusion.
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Attention for all guys that try this: Accepted Emergency Medical Phone Number within the United States is: 911
*********
opps ...
I didn't think this was on or near the line, sorry ....
Jim
2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I cant tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, Im sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"Ill never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
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Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
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A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman.
He climbs on top of her.
"Can I turn the light off?" he asks.
"Why?" she replies, "Are you feeling a bit shy?"
"No,.....it's burning my arse!"
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Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk
The bad part is, take the buttons off and add a rotary dial ... and we did this in the 50's and 60's too ...........
Jim
2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan
Take a second and think about this one ..
Jim
2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan
A TSA Report:
Jim
2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan
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