FEBRUARY JOKES 2017

[Polaraco]

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.We didn’t know what to call her so we named her ‘Pussycat.’The vet decided to keep her for a day or so he said he would let us know when we could come and get her.My husband (the complainer) said, ‘OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.’He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.My husband and my Vet don’t see eye to eye.The vet calls my husband ‘El-Cheap-O’, and my husband calls the vet ‘El-Charge-O’.They love to hate each other and constantly ‘snipe’ at one another,With my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor who is located in the same building next door to the vet.The MD’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.A side door opened and the vet leaned in – he had obviously seen my husband arrive.He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ‘Your wife’s ***** doesn’t stink any more.We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose!Oh, and, by the way, she’s pregnant! God only knows who the father is!’Then he closed the door.Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.We didn’t know what to call her so we named her ‘Pussycat.’The vet decided to keep her for a day or so he said he would let us know when we could come and get her.My husband (the complainer) said, ‘OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.’He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.My husband and my Vet don’t see eye to eye.The vet calls my husband ‘El-Cheap-O’, and my husband calls the vet ‘El-Charge-O’.They love to hate each other and constantly ‘snipe’ at one another,With my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor who is located in the same building next door to the vet.The MD’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.A side door opened and the vet leaned in – he had obviously seen my husband arrive.He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, ‘Your wife’s ***** doesn’t stink any more.We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose!Oh, and, by the way, she’s pregnant! God only knows who the father is!’Then he closed the door.Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

LMAO

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[AnOldBiker]

Here's a little-known fact for automotive buffs ... or just to dazzle your friends ...



The four Goldberg brothers, Norman, Lowell, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 



The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner and cooled the car off immediately. 



The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. 



Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. 

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.



And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- 


Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max
-- on the controls.

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[AnOldBiker]

Ahhhhhhhwhat the heck, one more.. and oldie but goodie ...




Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?


Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.



Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.



Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.



You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.



Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.



Required to be posted by the legal department ....

Tequila® may not be right for everyone:
· Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®.
· However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are recommended and encouraged to try it (by many guys out there).



Side effects may include but not limited to:
dizziness,
nausea,
vomiting,
incarceration,
erotic lustfulness,
loss of motor control,
loss of clothing,
loss of money,
loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur,
table dancing,
headache,
dehydration,
dry mouth,
and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.



Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind

 0 Comment(s)

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

Here's a little-known fact for automotive buffs ... or just to dazzle your friends ...



The four Goldberg brothers, Norman, Lowell, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 



The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner and cooled the car off immediately. 



The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. 



Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. 

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.



And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- 


Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max
-- on the controls.

LMAO funny

 0 Comment(s)

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

Ahhhhhhhwhat the heck, one more.. and oldie but goodie ...




Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?


Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?



If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.



Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.



Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.



You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.



Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.



Required to be posted by the legal department ....

Tequila® may not be right for everyone:
· Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®.
· However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are recommended and encouraged to try it (by many guys out there).



Side effects may include but not limited to:
dizziness,
nausea,
vomiting,
incarceration,
erotic lustfulness,
loss of motor control,
loss of clothing,
loss of money,
loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur,
table dancing,
headache,
dehydration,
dry mouth,
and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.



Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind

Very good info LMAO

 0 Comment(s)

[hoe]

A lady married and had 13 children. Then her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children, and this husband also died.

She married a third time and had 5 more children, after a long life she finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the priest prayed for her.

He thanked the lord for this very loving woman and said "Lord they are finally together".

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs".

Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

 0 Comment(s)

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

A lady married and had 13 children. Then her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children, and this husband also died.

She married a third time and had 5 more children, after a long life she finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the priest prayed for her.

He thanked the lord for this very loving woman and said "Lord they are finally together".

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs".

Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

LMAO funny

 0 Comment(s)

[hoe]

My girlfriend said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama sutra she will leave me.

It put me in a very difficult position.

Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

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[hoe]

Our eyes met across the candlelit table. She looked so beautiful. I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies.

That's when I realised I'd drugged the wrong glass.

Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

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