Thanks Thanks:  17
Likes Likes:  31
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Jan 2017 Jokes

  1. Top Of Page | #1
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Jan 2017 Jokes

    A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.
    Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
    On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile .


    The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior executives was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.


    Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people paddling and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people paddling.
    Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.


    They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were paddling.
    Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
    They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddlers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and performance bonuses for the managers. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were chanelled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.
    The next year the Japanese won by two miles.


    Humiliated, the American management team laid off one paddler, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the senior executives as bonuses.

    The next year, try as he might, the lone designated paddler was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.
    Sadly, the End.
    Here's something else to think about: GM has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.
    TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last year's results:

    TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while GM racked up 9 billion in losses.
    GM folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  2. Thanks elcubano, HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN thanked for this post
  3. Top Of Page | #2
    TX NIGHT TRAIN's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    Not really a joke... it's a very sad truth

    2014 3500 (DRW) 68RFE 3:73s . mirror light mod. 20% tint front 5% tint on rear. cattleman front bumper,running boards and headache rack. puddle light mod with blue leds. RGB lights in footwells and grill. Mostly debadged. 52" light bar and a 20" on the bumper. Smoked tail,cab and side marker lights. Black bezel headlights. Led lights where possible. 37 trail Graps. 2.5 inch leveling kit. Steering box brace. Dual steering stabilizers. MM3 and "WARPED" by Double R Diesel!

  4. Top Of Page | #3
    TX NIGHT TRAIN's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    I know this is a joke thread but kinda on the same subject... Rumor is fiat/Chrysler to rebuild in Michigan...I'm curious if this is how they will get around that supposed law suit? Makes you wonder doesn't it?

    2014 3500 (DRW) 68RFE 3:73s . mirror light mod. 20% tint front 5% tint on rear. cattleman front bumper,running boards and headache rack. puddle light mod with blue leds. RGB lights in footwells and grill. Mostly debadged. 52" light bar and a 20" on the bumper. Smoked tail,cab and side marker lights. Black bezel headlights. Led lights where possible. 37 trail Graps. 2.5 inch leveling kit. Steering box brace. Dual steering stabilizers. MM3 and "WARPED" by Double R Diesel!

  5. Thanks elcubano, HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN thanked for this post
  6. Top Of Page | #4
    Weeseven's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by TX NIGHT TRAIN View Post
    Not really a joke... it's a very sad truth
    That's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading it haha funny but true


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    In pursuit of more power in which the wallet will allow mods to date. Edge Evolution, Banks Air Filter, 5" cat back Banks Monster exhaust, Billet built auto trans Triple disc TC, Derale trans cooler, Sinister coolant filter,5" aluminum drive shafts
    Gary

    http://igotacummins.com/vbrides.php?...3#.VT-wuiFVhBc


  7. Thanks HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN thanked for this post
    Likes HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN liked this post
  8. Top Of Page | #5
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

    User Info Menu



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

  9. Thanks HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN, walla2k5 thanked for this post
  10. Top Of Page | #6
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    Not soon enough. It's a frivolous lawsuit


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  11. Thanks HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN, AnOldBiker thanked for this post
    Likes HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN, AnOldBiker liked this post
  12. Top Of Page | #7
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summons him to the local IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprises when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

    The auditor said “Well sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money by gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believing.”

    Grandpa said: “I’m a great gambler and I can prove it. How ‘bout a demonstration ?”

    The auditor thought about this for a minute and said: “Ok, prove it.”

    Grandpa said: “I’ll bet $1,000.00 I can bite my own eye.”

    The auditor thought for a moment and said: “Ok, it’s a bet”

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor jaw drops.

    Grandpa says: “Now I’ll bet you $2,000.00 I can bite my other eye.

    Now the auditor can see Grandpa isn’t blind and takes the bet.

    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his other eye. The auditor is shocked since he now owes Grandpa $3,000.00 and has Grandpas attorney as a witness. He’s extremely nervous now.

    “Want to double or nothing ?” Grandpa blurts out. “I’ll bet $6,000.00 I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into the wastebasket on the other side of your desk and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but looks over the rooms layout very carefully. He determines there’s now way this old man could possibly do this stunt, so he takes the bet.

    Grandpa stands besides the desk and unzips his pants, but although he stains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side of the auditors’ desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, knowing he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Grandpas’ own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    “Are you alright ?” asked the auditor

    “Not really” said the attorney. “This morning when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me $25,000.00 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

    Don't mess with old people !



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

  13. Top Of Page | #8
    hoe's Avatar

    User Info Menu

    Re: Jan 2017 Jokes

    An esteemed lady who lived in a mansion was sitting in her study, when she summoned her male butler, James, to her office.

    Lady: "James!"

    James: "Yes ma'am. How may I be of assistance?"

    Lady: "James, you know you are my butler, and any order I give you, you will follow, is that not so?"

    James: "Yes, of course ma'am, 'tis true."

    Lady: "Well, James, I want you to unbutton my blouse."

    James: "Oh ma'am, I did say I would do anything that your ladyship commands, but that, is surely not appropriate ma'am."

    Lady: "James, I am ordering you at once to unbutton my blouse! Else I have no alternative but to fire you."

    He does as the lady says and unbuttons her blouse.

    Lady: "Now James, please remove my blouse."

    James: "Oh ma'am, how can I? 'Tis highly inappropriate."

    Lady: "James! Do as I say at once!"

    He takes off her blouse.

    Lady: "Now James, remove my bra."

    James: "Oh ma'am, how can I do such a deed?"

    Lady: "Jaammmess!!!"

    He does it.

    Lady: "Now James, remove my skirt please."

    James: "Oh ma'am, I don't know if I can do it, the request is beyond what I can do ma'am."

    Lady: "For goodness sake James, just do as I say or face the consequences!"

    He takes off her skirt.

    Lady: "Now James, remove my panties."

    James: "Oh ma'am, how can you request such a thing from me?"

    Lady: "For goodness sake James, will I have to tell you one more time?"

    He very reluctantly removes her panties.

    Lady: "Now James, don't let me ever catch you wearing my clothes again, or you'll most certainly be fired!"

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk


  14. Thanks IGOTACUMMINS thanked for this post
    Likes Weeseven, IGOTACUMMINS liked this post

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •