Originally Posted by
Polaraco
Why We Love Children
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later…..”Da-ad…..”
”What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?”
“No, You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can I have a drink of water???”
“I told you No! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!”
Five minutes later…..”Daaaa-aaaad…..”
“What!”
“When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?”
Sex With An Older Man
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by
Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked, “Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with
you?
You are always working, and at your age I think that is remarkable.”
George Burns said, “I just take good care of myself and enjoy what
I do when I do it.”
Oprah said, “I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.”
George said, “Of course I still do the sex thing and I am quite good
at it.”
Oprah said, I have never been with an older man. Would you do it
with me?”
So they had sex and when they were finished,
Oprah said, I just don’t believe I have been so satisfied. You are a
remarkable man!”
George said, “The second time is even better than the first time.”
Oprah asked, “You can really do it again at your age?”
George said, “Just let me sleep for half an hour.
You hold my testicles in your left hand and my ***** in your right
hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.”
When she woke him up, they had great sex again and Oprah was
beside herself with joy. She said, “Oh, Mr. Burns, I am astounded
that you could do a repeat performance and have it be even better
than the first time. At your age, Oh my, Oh my!”
George told her that the third time would be even better.
“You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my ***** in your right
hand and call me in thirty minutes.”
Oprah asked, “Does my holding you like that kind of recharge your
batteries?”
George replied,
“No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!”
The CIA
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing, there were just
three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents
took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We
must know that you will follow your instructions no matter the circumstances.
Inside that room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!”
The man said “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to shoot
and kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another.
There was much screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few
minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman,
wiping sweat from her brow.
“That gun was loaded with blanks” she said “I had to kill him with the chair.
What’s next.”
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