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Thread: a Joke

  1. Top Of Page | #1
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    a Joke

    An 85-year-old man was told by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ?Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.? The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor?s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ?Well, doc, it?s like this ? first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin? it between her knees, but still nothing.? The doctor was shocked and said, ?You asked your neighbor?? The old man replied, ?Yep, none of us could get the jar open


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  2. Top Of Page | #2
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    A married couple is traveling to visit family by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to get a room. They only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it?s a nice hotel the rooms certainly are not worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ?standard rate?. He insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use. ?But we did not use them? the husband said. ?Well, they are here, and you could have,? explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. ?We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,? the Manager says. ?But we did not go to any of those shows? the husband said. ?Well, we have them, and you could have.? the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, ?But we did not use it!? The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he did not have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. ?But ma?am, this is made out for only $50.00.? ?That?s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,? she replied. ?But I did not ? exclaims the Manager. ?Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.?


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

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  4. Top Of Page | #3
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    A young Italian boy went to confess to his priest. ?Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.? The priest asks, ?Is that you, little Joey Pagano?? ?Yes, Father, it is.? ?And who was the girl you were with?? ?I cant tell you, Father. I do not want to ruin her reputation.? ?Well, Joey, Im sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?? ?I cannot say.? ?Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?? ?Ill never tell.? ?Was it Nina Capelli?? ?I?m sorry, but I cannot name her.? ?Was it Cathy Piriano?? ?My lips are sealed.? ?Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?? ?Please, Father, I cannot tell you.? The priest sighs in frustration. ?You are very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you have sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.? Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ?What? you get?? ?Four months vacation and five good leads!?


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  5. Top Of Page | #4
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: ?Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.? Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you did not wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color did not suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you do not fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, ?Is there anything else that your wife does not use anymore?? ?And so, here we are!?


    A pastor and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ?Come with me?, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. ?Wow, thank you?, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the pastor to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. ?Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,? said the pastor. ?Should not I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a pastor, went to church every day, and preached God?s word.? ?Yes, that?s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.?


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  6. Top Of Page | #5
    MOD watersupply189's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    An 85-year-old man was told by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ?Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.? The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor?s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ?Well, doc, it?s like this ? first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin? it between her knees, but still nothing.? The doctor was shocked and said, ?You asked your neighbor?? The old man replied, ?Yep, none of us could get the jar open
    ROTFLMAO


    2016 Ram Laramie 3500, G56, 6.7, MM3 tuned by Double R Diesel, Rough Country Leveling, 35x12.50 Nitto G2, HID headlights and fogs plus many many other add ons.....

    2016 RAM 3500 4x4 Laramie Crew Cab
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  8. Top Of Page | #6
    No Vacancy Power247's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    Hahaha!! Good to see you back @Polaraco

    Greg
    2012 | RAM 2500 | CCSB | MM3 tuned by Double R Diesel
    2016 | Heartland Pioneer | DS310

    Greg
    2019 | RAM 2500 | CCSB | 6.4 HEMI

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  10. Top Of Page | #7
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    An 85-year-old man was told by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ?Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.? The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor?s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ?Well, doc, it?s like this ? first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin? it between her knees, but still nothing.? The doctor was shocked and said, ?You asked your neighbor?? The old man replied, ?Yep, none of us could get the jar open
    That’s funny

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  11. Top Of Page | #8
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: ?Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.? Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you did not wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color did not suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you do not fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, ?Is there anything else that your wife does not use anymore?? ?And so, here we are!?


    A pastor and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ?Come with me?, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool. ?Wow, thank you?, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the pastor to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. ?Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,? said the pastor. ?Should not I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a pastor, went to church every day, and preached God?s word.? ?Yes, that?s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.?


    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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  13. Top Of Page | #9
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: a Joke

    A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong, and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

    The wife tells him, "For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."

    The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what ?"



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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  15. Top Of Page | #10
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    Re: a Joke

    The diesel mechanic at work thinks the DT466 is made by Detroit diesel.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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