JOKES MARCH 2018

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I’m married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. No thanks, I’m not hungry.
5. I’m not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real Fool!
7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
8. ... and the rest of them aren't allowed on this website ... and then we entered the world of looking like a fool as in #6

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[AnOldBiker]

.... and now that it's comming close to the 2018 elections ....



I was having coffee with a friend the other day .. and while we were discussing general topics .. he brought up politicians and their role as our leaders.


I said I see most politicians are no more than ‘Post Turtles’.


By friend not being familiar with this term asked what was a ‘Post Turtles’ ?


Well .. I told him when driving down a road and you come across a fence post with a turtle on top ... that’s a ‘Post Turtle'.


Seeing my friend was still confused, I then said:
1. you know it didn’t get there by itself
2. it doesn’t belong there
3. it doesn’t know what to do while its up there
4. it's elevated above its ability to function
5. and you wonder what kind of dumbass put it there in the first place

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[AnOldBiker]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The 1st surgeon from New York says "I like accountants. When you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The 2nd surgeon from Chicago responds. "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded."

The 3rd surgeon from Dallas says, "I really think librarians are best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The 4th surgeon from Los Angeles chimes in "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the 5th surgeon from Washington DC shut them all up when he observed. "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine... Plus the head and rear end are interchangeable.

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

.... and now that it's comming close to the 2018 elections ....



I was having coffee with a friend the other day .. and while we were discussing general topics .. he brought up politicians and their role as our leaders.


I said I see most politicians are no more than ‘Post Turtles’.


By friend not being familiar with this term asked what was a ‘Post Turtles’ ?


Well .. I told him when driving down a road and you come across a fence post with a turtle on top ... that’s a ‘Post Turtle'.


Seeing my friend was still confused, I then said:
1. you know it didn’t get there by itself
2. it doesn’t belong there
3. it doesn’t know what to do while its up there
4. it's elevated above its ability to function
5. and you wonder what kind of dumbass put it there in the first place

Good one funny

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The 1st surgeon from New York says "I like accountants. When you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The 2nd surgeon from Chicago responds. "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded."

The 3rd surgeon from Dallas says, "I really think librarians are best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The 4th surgeon from Los Angeles chimes in "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the 5th surgeon from Washington DC shut them all up when he observed. "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine... Plus the head and rear end are interchangeable.

Awesome ha ha

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[AnOldBiker]

Tomorrow is St Paddy's Day
...... soooooooo ....

Here are the 10 “drunkest” states in America, according to reports:

North Dakota (24.7 percent)

Wisconsin (24.5 percent)

Alaska (22.1 percent)

Montana (21.8 percent)

Illinois (21.2 percent)

Minnesota (21.1 percent)

Iowa (21 percent)

Hawaii (20.5 percent)

Nebraska (20.4 percent)

Michigan (20 percent)









….. funny ..... not one Southern state among them .........

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[cumminsbadgirl]

Tomorrow is St Paddy's Day
...... soooooooo ....

Here are the 10 “drunkest” states in America, according to reports:

North Dakota (24.7 percent)

Wisconsin (24.5 percent)

Alaska (22.1 percent)

Montana (21.8 percent)

Illinois (21.2 percent)

Minnesota (21.1 percent)

Iowa (21 percent)

Hawaii (20.5 percent)

Nebraska (20.4 percent)

Michigan (20 percent)









….. funny ..... not one Southern state among them .........

Hmmmm...Interesting!!
I could see a couple states that definitely made the list but surprised of the others well.... my state did not make the cut


"Cumminsbadgirl"
2014 Cummins Mega 3500 ( Aisin ) 4X4
MM3 Tuned by Double R Diesel

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

Tomorrow is St Paddy's Day
...... soooooooo ....

Here are the 10 “drunkest” states in America, according to reports:

North Dakota (24.7 percent)

Wisconsin (24.5 percent)

Alaska (22.1 percent)

Montana (21.8 percent)

Illinois (21.2 percent)

Minnesota (21.1 percent)

Iowa (21 percent)

Hawaii (20.5 percent)

Nebraska (20.4 percent)

Michigan (20 percent)









….. funny ..... not one Southern state among them .........

Very interesting agreed with old biker no Southern states some of these are surprising and shocking

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[TH-64]

It's the only way to stay warm in some of those states. Plus there's nothing else to do!

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

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[AnOldBiker]

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't you ever see the Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!! If con is the opposite of Pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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