JOKES MARCH 2018

**Polaraco** · 03-01-2018

Wife
--"Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon."

Husband
--"I'm so sorry Honey....but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife--"I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband--"Fine. We finished in under 4 hours; a quick beer in the Clubhouse’'. I hopped
into the car, and would have been here by 12 noon but on the way home, I spotted a
girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.

I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.

Of course I refuse it, then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to stop by so she can buy me a beer.

She's such a sweetie, I said yes.

Before you know it, one beer turned into three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.

Then she tells me she has a room right there at the Sheraton, less than 50 steps from our
table.

She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now I'm in her room...clothes are flying...the talking stopped…and we proceeded to
have sex in every way imaginable.

It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it, the clock says 5:30. I jump up, throw my clothes on, run to the car, and here I am.

There.

You wanted the truth... You got it.

Wife--"Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-01-2018

A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night ?"

Little Stevie answered: "My Mommy says my prayers."

"I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mother say ?"

Replied little Stevie: "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED !"

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**Polaraco** · 03-01-2018

Originally Posted by AnOldBiker

A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night ?"

Little Stevie answered: "My Mommy says my prayers."

"I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mother say ?"

Replied little Stevie: "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED !"

Oh you're a Riot Alice

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-01-2018

Originally Posted by Polaraco

Wife
--"Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon."

Husband
--"I'm so sorry Honey....but you probably don't want to hear the reason."

Wife--"I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband--"Fine. We finished in under 4 hours; a quick beer in the Clubhouse’'. I hopped
into the car, and would have been here by 12 noon but on the way home, I spotted a
girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.

I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.

Of course I refuse it, then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to stop by so she can buy me a beer.

She's such a sweetie, I said yes.

Before you know it, one beer turned into three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other.

Then she tells me she has a room right there at the Sheraton, less than 50 steps from our
table.

She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now I'm in her room...clothes are flying...the talking stopped…and we proceeded to
have sex in every way imaginable.

It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it, the clock says 5:30. I jump up, throw my clothes on, run to the car, and here I am.

There.

You wanted the truth... You got it.

Wife--"Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?"

Ha Ha Ha

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**Polaraco** · 03-01-2018

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-02-2018

Originally Posted by Polaraco

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-02-2018

Originally Posted by Polaraco

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Guys get sneaky when they get 'old' ... right @Polaraco ????

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-02-2018

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**AnOldBiker** · 03-02-2018

Jake is five and learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says: "Look MaMa ! It’s a frican’ elephant !"
Taking a deep breath .. his mother ask: "What did you call it ?"
Jake respond with: "It’s a frican’ elephant, MaMa ! It says so on the picture …"

and so it does …

“African Elephant”

Hooked on phonics !
Ain’t it wonderful ?

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