Jokes DECEMBER 2017

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

On this special day:

To My Democrat/Liberal Friends:


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes forh an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.



I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.



To My Republican Friends:


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

That is great Ha Ha

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

LMFAO

Ha Ha

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[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the truck
All the fluids were frozen, the injectors were stuck,
The glow plugs were chilled and the turbo stone-cold,
This weather was frightful if I may be so bold, ...
The snowdrift was piled sky-high on the hood,
As I tossed to the fire a fresh load of wood,
My good wife and I settled in for some rest
But 'twas not long-lived, yet perhaps for the best
"What's that!" I declared with a roar
And no sooner than said came a knock at the door,
I arose from my chair soon to be slumber's bed
And there on the porch was the Big Man in red!
"I'm stuck" spoke he, "can you give me a pull?
"I said I may be stupid but I ain't no fool
So I rushed to the truck as I buttoned my flap
I opened the door and threw out my strap
One move and the key was set firm without strife
With one quick turn that mighty Cummins Diesel came roaring to life!
The rattle and roar of that powerful six
The hot blast of smoke shaking the frozen fruit cake
The reindeer were nervous and in awe of such might
But they knew that Ford Diesel would be saving their night
I eased in the clutch and I dropped her in gear
The T-case in low as I backed her in near
One end to the hitch and the other to sleigh
The tow strap was set as the snow wiped away
He cried out "I'm not sure, cause that old sleigh is heavy
But I trust you, cause I see you're not driving a FORD"
I gave her some fuel and four tires did spin
Then they grabbed with the strength of the truck I was in
Ol' Dodge started smoking and pulling so hard
That I ended up halfway 'cross my neighbor's yard
As I backed off the fuel and gave a proud shout
He declared that "No Dodge could have pulled that sleigh out!"
He thanked me profusely and the reindeer did bow
To the Mighty Ford Diesel, which was idling now
For they knew in their hearts that without this fueled might
That there would be no Christmas this shivering night
He climbed in his seat and with a wave of his hand
Those reindeer lurched forward across the snowed land
"I thank you again my dear newly-found friend
For your hand and your heart kept this night from its end
And later this eve, warm and snug in my lodge
I'll be thanking the Lord, that you did buy a Dodge.

Thanks! Clayton

Awesome love it

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[AnOldBiker]

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I replied, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week.

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[Polaraco]

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I replied, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week.

You did it again. LMFAO

 0 Comment(s)

[HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN]

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I replied, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week.

Ha Ha funny as hell

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[AnOldBiker]

fart.jpg

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