Jokes for March 2017

**Polaraco** · 03-16-2017

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some old senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a$$-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well… only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them.
They didn't get old by being stupid!

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**hoe** · 03-16-2017

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**Polaraco** · 03-17-2017

Originally Posted by hoe

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...560aea0f6c.jpg

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@AnOldBiker Sounds about right huh?

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**Polaraco** · 03-17-2017

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

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**Polaraco** · 03-17-2017

The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellow man ... air passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston , the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

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**Polaraco** · 03-17-2017

#3 TODAY THIS ONE HAS A POLITICAL REFERENCE, BUT IS STILL FUNNY. MY APOLOGIES IF ANYONE IS OFFENDED.

A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. It didn’t take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.
The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that Trump supporter.”
After the drinks were handed out the Trump guy gives the CNN guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, “Thank you!”
This infuriates the CNN reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the Trump hat.
As before, this doesn’t seem to bother the Trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, “Thank you!”
So the CNN guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Trump guy.
And again the Trump guy just smiles and yells back, “Thank you!”
At that point the aggravated CNN reporter asks the bartender, “What the hell is the matter with that Trump supporter? I’ve ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly *** does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?”
“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place.”

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-18-2017

Originally Posted by Polaraco

The Irish never hesitate to come to the aid of their fellow man ... air passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston , the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

Funny

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-18-2017

Originally Posted by Polaraco

#3 TODAY THIS ONE HAS A POLITICAL REFERENCE, BUT IS STILL FUNNY. MY APOLOGIES IF ANYONE IS OFFENDED.

A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. It didn’t take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.
The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that Trump supporter.”
After the drinks were handed out the Trump guy gives the CNN guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, “Thank you!”
This infuriates the CNN reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the Trump hat.
As before, this doesn’t seem to bother the Trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, “Thank you!”
So the CNN guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Trump guy.
And again the Trump guy just smiles and yells back, “Thank you!”
At that point the aggravated CNN reporter asks the bartender, “What the hell is the matter with that Trump supporter? I’ve ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly *** does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?”
“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place.”

Love it

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**HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN** · 03-18-2017

Originally Posted by Polaraco

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

Awesome one Love it

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