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Thread: JOKES Ocotber 2017

  1. Top Of Page | #21
    DDP's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Bahahaha!

    Matthew 6:9-13, 2 Corinthians 5:20
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  2. Top Of Page | #22
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by AnOldBiker View Post
    One day Steve goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
    He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says “Could you taste this for me, please?”
    The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
    “Does that taste sweet to you?” says Steve.
    “No, not at all,” says the chemist.
    “Oh that’s a relief,” says Steve. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”



    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  3. Top Of Page | #23
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    NEW YORK (World News Bureau) – In a recent polling of 585 NFL players, nearly all of them were unsure of exactly what they are protesting.
    Here’s a sampling of responses to the question: “What are you protesting by kneeling during the National Anthem?”


    “Pretty sure it’s against Nazis – especially the white ones.”

    “We’re protesting America becoming capitalistic instead of equal.”

    “I’m protesting against Trump saying black lives don’t matter.”

    “We’re against global warming and the police.”

    “We’re showing the world that we care about, ahh, things such as… such as…ahhhhh, freedom from suppression?”

    “Me and my fellow players are protesting the Constitution of Independence because of what it does to people of color.”

    “We are displaying our right to stand up by kneeling for our beliefs.”

    “We are protesting Trump, because he, you know, keeping the black man down and sh*t.”

    “Myself is kneeling to show that just because I’m American don’t mean I got to act like one.”


    (... and in the past .. many wanted their kids to look up at them as leading adult figures ?)




    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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  5. Top Of Page | #24
    No Vacancy Power247's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    This is what I call a win-win!

    Greg
    2012 | RAM 2500 | CCSB | Custom tuned by Double R Diesel
    2016 | Heartland Pioneer | DS310

    Greg
    2019 | RAM 2500 | CCSB | 6.4 HEMI

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  7. Top Of Page | #25
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by MRMAYHEM View Post
    https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...d68517f43.jpeg


    2012 deleted, lifted, tuned by Ray at DRD.
    Ha Ha funny

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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  9. Top Of Page | #26
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by Power247 View Post
    This is what I call a win-win!https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...8db75171e0.jpg

    Greg
    2012 | RAM 2500 | CCSB | Custom tuned by Double R Diesel
    2016 | Heartland Pioneer | DS310
    That’s funny

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  10. Top Of Page | #27
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by AnOldBiker View Post
    NEW YORK (World News Bureau) – In a recent polling of 585 NFL players, nearly all of them were unsure of exactly what they are protesting.
    Here’s a sampling of responses to the question: “What are you protesting by kneeling during the National Anthem?”


    “Pretty sure it’s against Nazis – especially the white ones.”

    “We’re protesting America becoming capitalistic instead of equal.”

    “I’m protesting against Trump saying black lives don’t matter.”

    “We’re against global warming and the police.”

    “We’re showing the world that we care about, ahh, things such as… such as…ahhhhh, freedom from suppression?”

    “Me and my fellow players are protesting the Constitution of Independence because of what it does to people of color.”

    “We are displaying our right to stand up by kneeling for our beliefs.”

    “We are protesting Trump, because he, you know, keeping the black man down and sh*t.”

    “Myself is kneeling to show that just because I’m American don’t mean I got to act like one.”


    (... and in the past .. many wanted their kids to look up at them as leading adult figures ?)
    This is a damn shame that these dumb asses don’t know **** about real world

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  11. Top Of Page | #28
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by F350Cummins View Post
    TOOL DEFINITIONS:
    DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''What the...''
    ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
    SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing grease out of.
    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
    EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
    TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters gained from using a 2X4 to try to lift an automobile off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
    PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
    E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside edge of the line instead of the outside.
    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
    CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
    AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
    MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.
    AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire and rounds them off.
    F*****RRRR TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ''F*****RRRR'' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
    Funniest **** I read in a long time

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  12. Top Of Page | #29
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by AnOldBiker View Post
    At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

    After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, where upon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.

    After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves LouAnne is set to go to sleep again.

    However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again... Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."

    Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?"
    Ha Ha

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  13. Top Of Page | #30
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Ocotber 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    After a long night of making love, the guy
    notices a photo of another man, on the woman's
    nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

    'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

    'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

    'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

    'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his
    ear.
    'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires,
    hoping to be reassured.

    'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!'
    she answers.

    'Well, who is he, then?' he demands.
    She whispers in his ear

    'That's me before the surgery.

    @AnOldBiker
    Man that’s bad

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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