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Thread: JOKES Feb 2018

  1. Top Of Page | #1
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    JOKES Feb 2018


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  2. Top Of Page | #2
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    Funny

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

  3. Top Of Page | #3
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    California

    The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

    The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

    He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

    He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

    The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged..

    The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

    The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

    The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

    The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training on the nature of coyotes.

    PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.






    Texas

    The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

    The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

    The buzzards eat the dead coyote..



    And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

  4. Top Of Page | #4
    MRMAYHEM's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


    2012 Dodge 2500 6 inch suspension lift 4 inch body lift sitting on 41's DPF delete Straight pipe turbo back twin stacks road armour front and rear bumpers mini max tuner...tuned by DOUBLE R DIESEL

  5. Top Of Page | #5
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    @AnOldBiker

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.
    The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
    The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
    "Do you mean a rose?"
    "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. - Kahlil Gibran
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I Did Not Know That!

    The percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%. The percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man if they had it to do all over again: 50%.



    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

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  7. Top Of Page | #6
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    Quote Originally Posted by MRMAYHEM View Post
    LOL I saw this before. I just had that conversation with my urologist.


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  8. Likes AnOldBiker, MRMAYHEM liked this post
  9. Top Of Page | #7
    DDP's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    LOL! These are awesome.

    Matthew 6:9-13, 2 Corinthians 5:20
    See what we are up to on:
    FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM
    Or Email us at:
    sales@ddpmotorsports.com
    www.ddpmotorsports.com


  10. Top Of Page | #8
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    One day Lou didn't show up at the park as usual. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
    But after Lou hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Lou lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

    A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Lou, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Lou.

    Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Lou, what in the world happened to you?'

    Lou replied, 'I have been in jail.'

    'Jail' cried Bob. What in the world for?'

    'Well,' Lou said, 'You know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

    'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?

    'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

    'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  11. Top Of Page | #9
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    Sooooo .. we have to start calling you BOB ?




    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    One day Lou didn't show up at the park as usual. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
    But after Lou hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Lou lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

    A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Lou, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Lou.

    Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Lou, what in the world happened to you?'

    Lou replied, 'I have been in jail.'

    'Jail' cried Bob. What in the world for?'

    'Well,' Lou said, 'You know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

    'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?

    'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

    'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.




    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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  13. Top Of Page | #10
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES Feb 2018

    Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.



    In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.


    One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

    "Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

    'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

    "That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

    "No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

    "All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

    "No, on the contrary..."

    "So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

    The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness.
    Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

    "No, not really."

    "Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

    The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.






    It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.



    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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